words are just words...right?

a few days ago i woke up to a text message...or novel if you will, from J. In it he shared that he believes that i have a borderline personality disorder, I have mommy issues and that i am not mature enough to be a wife. there was alot more but these three things stick out the most. i thought of it all morning and found the text to be damaging and distructive. So I thought i would call my momma. Silly me. The conversation is what it is and i have nothing to write about that really. But I will note that she realayed a message that my sis is upset with me because her husband and herself did not get invited to an important event because of me. That news was very hurtful to me. I went back to work after my llunch break and coversation with my mom. Then my bestie sent me a text message. I can always tell when she is pissed, annoyed, or just blank about me because of her text messages. it said. i threw your cigs away because you prolly are not allowed here anymore. and then a couple more text in the same tone came at me after that. I got off work and stopped by a bday party of a newly aquired friend. and W. ex was there. She was sitting there informing me what a player he is and how so and so saw him driving some chicks car with her in it and they asked what happened to lena and he was all like oh i had to push the next button on that one. blah blah blah... I sat there and composed myself very well i thought and left there on good terms. asa soon as i got in my car the tears started rollin. what a day. my ex, my mom, my sister, my best friend, my bf.... whats next. .... all i know is i came home and told W all about my day and he first reacted to the part that involved him and called the bday party and told them i was not ever going to any event or visit at their house if those other people are there and if they wanted to start shit or say something then talk to him.... lol drama. and then for the rest of it. he said... It doesnt matter. its all just words. words are just words. not action. hmn....idk but i still thought it was a shitty day for my self esteem and self worth with the people in my life.

yawn....

LOL a year huh? wow it went by... slowly? lol I look back at where i was who i was and what mind set i was in a year ago and i can not even see a mirrored image of myself. Sure all my hobbies, hopes and dreams are the same. But lifestyle, relationship status and daily activities are complete opps. There is really no need to go into detail of everything because well, this is my blog and im the one writing it. And most likely the only one reading it. LOL but i thought i would maybe write on here off and on because Most days i feel alone. that i have no one to vent to or talk to. or maybe i do but just feel as though i am full of hot air and shouldn't bother so whatev. lol this blog is to break the ice i suppose....