nutella is the devils breakfast choice.

ah ha ha ha....that's what i think!!! i know, i know, the commercials say it is a healthy option for you kids breakfast. but really? chocolate toast? oh my. Logan is used to cottage cheese, peanut butter on wheat, eggs, or fruit. (oh an of course a slice of left over pizza, if available!) lol i had cut out his pop tarts and no cereal with stupid marshmallows. He use to like yogurt then one day he decided he didn't like it anymore? idk about that one. but anyways.....back to nutella. It is good, dont get me wrong. i really think it is the idea of chocolate. if that was the only chocolate that a person treated themselves then ok..maybe. but i just think for healthy living purposes you should not put chocolate on your breakfast toast and call it a tasty yet balanced breakfast (*as stated on the jar)
it does have the same amount of calories per serving (2tbsp) as peanut butter. which is 200 cal. BUT the sugar is way more....21g vs 3g (on my hyvee creamy peanut butter jar) also protein is lower. 3g vs 8g(hyvee pb) i always look at protein and sugar count first these days. because i have to have lots of protein and my body cannot handle much sugar.
My nutritionist has told me before to check out the first ingredient in things. The first item is usually what makes up your product. and on nutella the first ingredient is sugar!
now yes that will probably give Logan some energy to start off his day, but probably not staying power. and we all know how Logan likes to keep his powers up! ha ha.
A side note on this devilish breakfast spread....not only is it tasty BUT it sits on MY counter all day whispering my name. UGH! so in the afternoon i will make myself a stupid piece of toast and spread on the chocolate sin and then eat it. yes it make my tummy hurt, yes it makes me go over my calorie count for the afternoon, and yes i have even been know to dip my pretzels in it!!! when i have ate it and hugging my tummy while it aches i just think why in the hell do i have this stuff in my house!!!!????
So in order for me to continue trying to keep breakfast a healthy good start to the day something must be done with the nutella!....tommorrow...hee hee

now..where was i...

HA! Aug was my last entry. id like to report that I've been sailing around the country side or backpacking in the lost worlds, ya know away from computer access. but honestly I've been sitting in front of my computer at least 30 min a day and have not even once got one to give updates. lol For those of you that have missed it... I have been busy with my two boys!!! we are just now getting settled into a routine. Jason had been gone for a couple months at school and Logan started school. PRE K!!! Making me feel like an actual adult now! I cant believe how much school can make a difference in children's social and vocal skills! like telling me that the world spins and that things get energy from the sun...and I'm like oh no. that's about all i know and remember about science!! and hes only in pre k!!! i might be in trouble soon!! lol
I am now on a more precise schedule with my day. like a soccer mom without the van...or the soccer balls. more like Lego blocks and acu laundry. lol
I am addicted to Jazzercise. I have started going almost every day. some days 2times! i am down 90 lbs. i am so excited that i am almost 100 pound weight loss but even more that i will be in onederland when i get there. (meaning no longer in the 200s) i am at a stubborn plateau. So i started an online food journal to track my eating. i will weigh myself this week. *fingers crossed*
Well theres a short update. :) gotta go get Logan from school.

Pictures from iowa

hmn...what was that password??

Oh man Oh man! it has been a few weeks! if not months! I had to retype my password 3 times before i entered the right one for my blog account! LOL whew. so now I'm finally in and ready to tell the world what exactly has been going on in my life.......LOL

I just got back to Texas last week from Iowa. This time i was in Iowa for a month and a half. I really should have kept up with my blog then because there is always always alot going on in Iowa. seems like I am always running from here to there. But then again thats prolly why i haven't blogged. lol. The highlights of my trip to Iowa were as followed. (lol)

*swimming on Sundays at the pool with my sisters, friends and even seeing Cathy n family there too!

*seeing my momma!!

*Donut Stop donuts

*Baby showers and Surprise Birthday parties

*watching Weeds lol

*going to jazzercise in shen and walking the blvds with some lovers

*Visiting Marla

*Besties!!! ....Lynda and my adventures. lol

*Logan went to VBS for the first time and loved it!!

*Spending time with my grandma Wilson :)

*the runaways! ha ha bringing bitchin back!! lol

*baby colt <3.

*daddy ray teaching me how to can tomatoes. and mom teaching me to freeze corn

*farmers market...GRANOLA BARS!! yum!

*small town scandals

*team Steven

*goin out with jay and tyler..ha ha good times

im sure there are many many more but i want to get this thing posted so i can babble on about other nonsense things!!! lol .....

308 is the perfect weight.....

lol, that saying is funny to Jason and i. because in a movie (girl interrupted) a girl was on the floor repeating 78 is the perfect weight. (or whatever number she says.) So i, being a fat n sassy gal, started saying 308 is the perfect weight. and we would laugh. But i didn't know that i would actually get up to that weight. i have kept myself around 265 the last 9 years. And that's me. Always the biggest one in my whole family, friends, class, work...etc. and if i wasn't the biggest i am pretty damn close. I've always had a real good attitude about life and myself outside of the bedroom. Meaning i like to be the life of the party, laughing and having fun, always the lover not the fighter, diva, hot momma, and dancing queen. LOL well at least that's how i see myself. but in the bedroom its different. and i think everyone is like this. ya know, when you are all by yourself, standing in front of your mirror or going through the closet you can really beat yourself up over everything you see and feel. I know i do and still do! like how I'm shaped, I'm short, my acne, my scars from acne, stupid boobs, hair isn't strait (always frizzy), big nose, big butt, feet not small enough, where are my knees and elbows?, why are my ankles always swollen?, and i have a dumb hump thing on my back (lol ) no really i do. Ive had days and days of going through the closet and nothing fits right or feels comfy. and if i find something that does they deff do not match or look presentable! I think everyone does this. Criticizes themselves once in a while. these are thoughts I've had...not everyday, i don't dwell on them.

But ill tell ya what. those thoughts and feelings are not what helped my decision to have gastric bypass...... I had lost 35 pounds on weight watchers before Jason left for his last deployment. and the 2 months before he left...we went off WW and ate strictly "morale food" lol silly i know. like pizza, burgers, candy, cakes, pizza, burritos, processed food galore, pizza and more pizza!!! when he left. it was much easier to just go through a drive thru/sit down place with me and Logan rather than cooking at home. if i did cook at home it was premade, processed, frozen, oh! or ramen noodles. so not only did i gain back the 35 pounds but i gained more! by the time Jason came home i was at the biggest i have ever been almost 310. Jason never said anything. He has always told me i am beautiful or i look nice and whatnot. Jason has never made me feel ugly or unwanted. So it didn't have to do with not feeling good enough for my husband, or myself. It was Logan. i couldn't play very well with him. usually just sat on the couch and played from there. didn't get outside. i would wait till Jason came home so he would take him to the park. He would want to go swimming and i would go with friends so their kids could play with Logan. A sad time for me was when we were at silver dollar city. Logan went on alot of kiddie rides with Rae, jay and Clara. but not me because i couldn't fit in the rides. He always asks to go on the go karts, and i would always have to say "someday you can go with Rae jean and uncle jay" because i simply couldn't fit. its embarrassing and fills you with shame to not be able to be involved with your lil boy. After these events started tuggin at my heart i started noticing how my life is changing with the weight. how i get dressed, take a bath, go to the bathroom...etc. Just rolling over in bed or getting off the couch involved a big heave and ho! I only would wear about 4 shirts because that is all that fit. i looked in the mirror and lost myself as a woman. seriously i felt... not manly...but not womanly. idk. it just would wear me out walking to the mail box, getting in and out of my car, and cleaning my house. By this time i had already started the process of Gastric bypass and thought oh well I'm having the surgery so whatever...and kept on living like i was. We took Logan on the polar express last Dec. (2009) when the pictures got back i couldn't believe what i looked like. i mean...i felt like that, but didn't realize i looked like that.

i started walking then. changed Doctors and got serious about the surgery. Super bowl Sunday i weighed 297....(coming down from 310)started my 2week pre diet of low carb, high protein. I have been reading, studying, chatting, writing, and watching videos all about the surgery and with people that are going through it. A lot of my questions were answered and didn't have too many fears going into the whole thing. Of course i was afraid of death. My doctor said with my age and health my chances were 1 in 500. So i took the chance. The morning of the surgery i started freaking out about God. I was afraid that god would be upset that i am rearranging my body the way he made it. Jason prayed with me before i went into surgery. there wasn't a day go by that i didn't pray for healing, comfort, strength, and courage. I was afraid that i would loose myself when the weight comes off. Who am I if I'm not the fat girl? that really freaked me out when i would think about it.

In my support group they say your family and friends relate themselves of who they are through you being fat. and when you loose the weight alot of time other people struggle with it too. I suppose i can agree. As much as my family and friends support me with the decision and go ahead of the surgery, a few comments have really stuck with me. Ive heard things like....(on having the surgery) "you're just lazy" "don't let it go to your head" "don't talk about it with ppl, its just bragging" "don't loose too much, you'll look too small" (as a size 14 mind you) "you think your better now or what?" and (after someone eating too much) "oh now I need gastric bypass!" But whatever i guess. i think THEY will need a support group for me losing weight! HA HA.

Now in my 4th month after surgery. I feel like myself again. I am the same as when i graduated high school. which still isn't much to brag about since I'm still 227! But i can exercise better, play with Logan, move smoother, and wear more clothes! i still struggle everyday on my eating.....( ill have to blog about that some other day) But its a journey and I'm in it all or nothing. Its not the easy way out. Its not easy. Its hard and complicated. I am on an emotional roller coaster about my diet, my body, and my life. Can i say it is the best thing i did for my life? NO. I'm deff not ready to say that. But it isn't the worst thing either.

here is a quote i heard that really hit home for me.....

Reality check: you can never ever use weight lose to solve problem that are not related to your weight. at your goal weight or not.you still have to live with yourself and live with your problems. you will still have the same husband, the same job, the same kids, and the same life. Losing weight is not a cure for life. -Dr Phil.

this surgery is not a fix all in my life. It is a challenge and a tool for me to work with. I am always wanting to better myself as a woman, wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter, etc. I have high hopes for myself and my family. My surgery is just a stepping stone in my walk of life. :)

short and sweet.

ugh. its 11pm and I'm already tired! where did the Lena the night owl go?? i miss her. lol I went today to my 3 1/2 month check up since my surgery and i am down 70 pounds. yay me. he said that everything looked great, my blood work checked out and i am good to go till my next apt in 3 more months. I didn't have any questions for him. I'm feeling good, eating regular menu, exercising 3-5 days a week, and taking my vitamins. i did mention about my hair coming out. Not really to find out what to do about it (cuz I've read up on all that and talked to some friends)but just for him to note it in my folder. The Dr told me that i should prolly expect to see 5 pound weight loss each month now instead of 10. I'm good with that. heck ill take what i can get! As long as i can keep working out and my portion control is under control i am good. :)

You're drivin me up a wall!!!!!

LMAO...my mom use to say that all the time to the three of us girls. And now i understand. ha ha. though i have 2 boys. (Logan AND Jason) Its not that you get angry or upset...its just that they can be all up in your space 24/7! lol Now don't get me wrong, i do think i have a pretty good life and lifestyle, so I'm not trying to complain about all that. Its just sometimes i struggle with stuff and get frustrated with it all. Being a SAHM (stay at home mom)you are constantly here! your job is the housework, kids, husband, finances,meals, errands, bills,ect. it can get over whelming at times. Jason at least gets to go to work everyday and get away from it all for a few hours. and even gone for months at a time. Being a SAHM you can end up doing everything (almost everything) by yourself. it is a job that CANNOT be belittled at all!!! i dont know how my girlfriends do it that have more than one child in the home. I hope to get alot done and learn alot once logan starts school!
A constant struggle for me is learning how to discipline Logan. I have no idea what I'm doing. and I'm afraid that I'm going to be doing it all wrong. I myself was hardly ever spanked, never in my life grounded, got smacked a few times and sent to my room alot! Jason had it a lil more tough than i did on his side of the tracks. So we do struggle as parents and as a couple on how we are suppose to do things. I do believe in spanking. We count to 3 n all that jazz....i love when shrek says "you're going the right way for a smacked bottom!" I use timeout alot. i don't feel it really does any good. And i have started to take things away from Logan...like toys and TV privileges in his room.
Oh before i go on, lemme say Logan is really good. i can take him anywhere and not really worry about him being a hooligan. I take him to my meetings and he sits quietly through them with colors n such. He is so patient when we take our 12 hour trips back and forth to Iowa and Texas. But there are things ya know id like to tune up and well lets face it he is a boy.
He has started doing this thing lately if you are giving him direct order to do something. ex:Logan, go play in your room. He makes a funny face and starts rolling his eyes. So today when this happened i spanked. outta reflex and shock that my 4 yr old was making such a face at me! he cried and was sent to his room. The more i thought about it i was pissed. not at Logan so much as myself. I didn't like spanking him and Jason didn't agree with it. after a lil bit Logan came out and said sorry for making a face and he was ready to be a good boy. i hugged him and reminded him mommy doesn't like mean faces and he went and played. but seriously it took me a couple hours to get over me a spanking him and Logan only like 15 min!
Ugh. so how do ya know whats right? what wont traumatize your child? what will help them to learn how to respect and obey their parents? I try really hard to have a great relationship with my son, the best that i can. I do fear that he will act out like alot of teenagers these days do. I think my parents did a great job raising me. The discipline in my house was right for me. lol i am very sensitive and they could give me a mean look n id be crying, but besides that all through my teens i thought that it was all right (well...maybe if ya woulda asked me then i would have changed a few things I'm sure...ha ha but what kid wouldn't!) its funny that last night i went to barnes and noble. i was reading up on a book called everything you need to know on raising boys. lol then today flipping through the channels wouldnt ya know dr phil was talking about corrective parenting. im like geesh enough with the signs! i know i need to take a step back, get down on my knees and pray. Pray for guidence, patience, and kind words. Logan the other day said "what the hell!?!" and im thinkin it could have been way worse with all the army slang that goes through my house. But thats not all to blame I too tend to slip em out often. so i guess when i pray ill need to add. "God please keep one hand on my shoulder, and the other hand over my mouth!" :)

dolla dolla hear me holla!!!!

whoo hoo! I'm feelin good about some buys i got today! bargain shopping! OK, so Jason needed a new wardrobe to go on his "trip". now i really didn't want to go buy all brand new stuff...since he will never wear them otherwise unless he HAS to so (he has to have kaki pants and polo shirts, and we all know Jason wears jeans n Heavy metal black T's)....i went to goodwill! 3 of them! lol i was not successful in pants but i did get 6 polo shirts for 22 bucs! I went to target and shopped around. i like target (mostly because there is a Starbucks in there.) found him 3 pair of pants. so check and check on Jason's stuff. When i got home i surfed craigslist as always....and i found a new pet carrier for poppy for 5 bucs! yay!! the ppl met me with in the hour. and since i was out i might as well go to wal mart right!?! ....low prices everyday folks! i wanted a soft carrier also. i found one...that one i spent a lil more on. but i love it so whatever. As long as mommas happy, everyone is happy. isn't that how the saying goes....OH or i always like....your husband called, buy anything you want! ha ha.
So one of Jason's buddies needs a place to crash tonight and our couch sounded pretty good. so we have company tonight. Grilled out burgers n had fries. It was all good till our "picnic" was invaded by stupid flies. dumb things. now they boys are playing xbox *rolling eyes* of course. and Logan is playing with poppy.
Oh! i went to Jazzercise this morning. i hadn't been in about 2 weeks. i kept up pretty good. not bad. i like doing things like that. Jazzercise is a lot of fun. Of course nothing beats my Richard Simmons. (LOVE HIM) but Jazzercise has come close. I think i like the class in shen better than the one down here. the people that attend are just more friendly there than here. Id like to try Zumba class sometime. i hear good things. lol Now that Jason isn't working in the DFAC (thank goodness) he doesn't get off at 1pm every other day. hes working full days. so it might be harder to go to some of these type things. *shrug* oh well at least he is done with that crap! :)
Anyways...i guess im ramblin on about nothin now so i should turn in for the evening. goodnight!

Happy Fathers Day!

I was lucky enough to grow up with DADS. not just one dad but 2great dads and amazing grandpas! when i am talking about "my dad" people always say...which one. lol Because they are both such a wonderful part of my life. Even though my daddy lived in Montana most of my life i never went without feeling he didn't love me. He has always shown me love. And my daddy ray has always treated me as one of his girls. I never felt any different than his daughter. growing up if i wasn't with my parents i was with my grandparents. My grandpa truly showed me what it is to be the man of a family. Not just in his own home but throughout his children's homes too.
Today at church the sermon was titled Men leading the way. The pastor talked about being a christian man, following in gods footsteps, and being the best earthly father you can be. My grandpa was that. to the moon and back he was. It was funny because i was sitting there next to Jason, thinking about my grandpa and thinking about Jason. (yes i know i was judging Jason in the pew!) BUT i have to say. i picked a good one. Nobody can compare to my grandpa. (but then again Jason and i are only 27, we have more to grow so maybe we will get there) Jason has a big heart with unconditional love. Its amazing to have someone in my personal space with that much unconditional love for me. Trust me! I'm not easy to live with! Jason and i grew up on different sides of the tracks. He does a great job showing Logan the ropes and Logan never goes a day (when Jason is here) with out Jason's hugs, kisses, or rumble time! lol
I cant write about fathers day without mentioning Micky. Micky has only been in our family for a couple years now. But in those couple years he has completed my mother. She is happy and healthy. He has treated Jason, Logan, and i very good. We always enjoy sitting (that is if we can get him to sit! ha ha) and visiting with him. Micky makes amazing Mexican lasagna! (ha ha sorry i had to throw that out there!) I am so blessed to have great men in my life.
I am thankful for Jason being Logan's dad. I am thankful for the dads in my life, and i am thankful for my grandpas. Happy Fathers Day to all my loved ones near and far!

Poppy or Poopy?

So my good friend is moving and cannot take all her pets. Ha Ha...you know where this is going dont you!? So....We have a house guest this weekend to see if he works out and clicks within our family. His name is Poppy. so we will see if poppy is approved or just poopy. lol Poppy is a purebred yorkie. So cute! Of course we all have fallen in love with the lil guy and he is super sweet with real nice manners. House and crate trained! bonus! The only thing that we have come across is our fence. he is so lil, he can fit through spaces along the fence line. He got out twice before 7am! lol so after some fussin and wakin the whole house up we got the spaces blocked. Whew! Kind of annoying BUT turns out just what we needed to get in gear for the day. Jason then mowed the yard and did some stuff out in the shed and I washed up dishes, did some laundry AND baked a cake! OOOooooo how domestic am I!? lol. The cake was a success! even though i dont have a round cake pan i used my spag pot. ha ha. worked just fine n dandy! i cut down the cake n made it look like a football.....lol for fathers day. He prolly would have wanted one that looked like a dodge challenger or some gamer character, but alas. im not that talented. YET!

OH yes! we took logan to see the new SHREK. it was so cute. like chick flick cute. i totally got my fix off of shreks last line...."the best part about today is that i got to fall in love with you all over again" *swooon* so awesome! and i have to admit, i have always thought i resembled fiona as an ogre (whatever, shes a hott ogre) and i swear when shrek turns into a human he looks like jason! AH HA HA HA HA...oh man we laugh about it all the time! so i guess maybe my Hollywood me isnt super nanny....its FIONA!!! rawr!

whats this about?

Well i am going to try this bloggin thing. i think i tried it before and didnt keep up with it. lol BUT i have enjoyed reading my "ant anns" blog so ima gonna copy er. lol We just got back from iowa yesterday. I hate coming back here. it is TOTALLY not home to me. i love being within my own realm and within my own peeps, ya know. i love my family back home. No matter the drama n bullshit, they are my favorite people. Oh and my besties! Lynda and Karen! i love to see them as much as i can! We really enjoyed goin over to lyndas house and cookin out hotdogs, just hanging out talkin bout old times, new times, this and that. HA HA we always come up with something to talk about!! The ride home was very relaxing. i have to admit. i like the trip alot better when McBuff comes along. even though most of the time one of us is snoozin, we have nice talks and rock out to our music. Oh and we get to hold hands....ahhhh holding hands. such a thrill in high school and now im finding it to be just as exciting. lol (sorry gotta lil cheezy up in here.) Anyways...we stayed the night in Pauls Valley OK. I always stay there on my way back to TX! Its nice cuz then the next day ya only hafta drive like 4-5 hours depending on fort worth traffic AND how long ya wanna stop in west! MmmmWEST! lmao.
Today i finally dragged myself outa bed at 10am! just in time to get ready for the day and make logan lunch! Jason didnt have to work today but he went over and helped a buddy move. hey he got an XBOX outa the deal! lol so of course that means new games n whatnot. *sigh* boys and their toys....Logan and i ran some errands. like post office, wal mart, and we went to clothing and sales on post. i found a nice cemetery flag box for grandma to put the flag in. It will be a nice gift for her from the grandkids. I think it will look very nice on top of her shelf.
Well i guess thats all for today.....till 2moro....